Divorce is difficult for everyone in a family, including children. Their entire lives change in an instant. Frequently, they blame themselves or grow angry with their parents. Their emotional responses to the divorce can affect their social relationships, mental health and academic performance.
How the parents handle the divorce can directly influence how traumatic it is for the children. If parents are conscientious in how they approach issues, they can shield their children from the worst trauma possible. Some of the most difficult aspects of divorce include witnessing intense parental conflicts and feeling forced to choose a side.
Children generally want the love and attention of both parents, and scenarios that force them to choose between their parental relationships can cause emotional harm. In some cases, children may have to express their preferences regarding custody matters during divorce proceedings.
Is it possible for parents to shield their children from that difficult experience?
Parents have the ability to settle
Litigated divorce is not the only option. Spouses also have the option of working cooperatively during uncontested divorces. They work with one another to set terms for property division and shared custody.
They then submit the details of their agreements to the court, resulting in an amicable, uncontested divorce where the final orders contained terms set by the family, rather than a judge. If parents are able to settle matters with one another, then their children’s input is not necessary during divorce proceedings.
If parents do litigate their divorces, then their children’s preferences may be a consideration that influences the process. Judges hearing contested custody cases typically consider a variety of details, including the wishes of children old and mature enough to express reasonable preferences.
Thankfully, there are less intimidating methods for judges to ascertain a child’s preferences than open questioning in family court. Actually testifying during divorce litigation is not always necessary. A guardian ad litem could talk with the children, or a judge could interview them in private instead of asking them about their wishes on the stand.
Parents who understand the basics of the divorce process can take steps to diminish how stressful the process is for their children. Working together instead of fighting with one another throughout the divorce process can be beneficial for children by shielding them from conflicts and reducing the potential need to express a preference regarding custody arrangements.